NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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