There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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