nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
