he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
