you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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