dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
