And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
