I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
