you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
