Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
