i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
