Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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