There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
