part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
