You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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