When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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