Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
