Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
