Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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