Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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