saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
