I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
