this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
