Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Come see our sink grown plant.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
