turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
