Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
