How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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