...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
