you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
