Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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