What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
