Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
