Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
