The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
