maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
