no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
