oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
