You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
