We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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