we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
