like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
