You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
