i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
