Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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