I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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