So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
