That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
