I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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