Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
