That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't turn off my feet"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
