we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
