as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
