____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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