His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
