community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
