His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
