Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
