I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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