Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont even know how to be here
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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