i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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