I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the day after is always just damage control
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
