im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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