For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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