he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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