Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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