Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
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Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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