your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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