I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
