so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
