Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Come on in and take your pants off
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