it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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