I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
