Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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