I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
