It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
