When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
