the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Enjoy the penises
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
