Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
