It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
