I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
