She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
