I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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