I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
