I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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