she woke up with a sticky ear
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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