He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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