I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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