Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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