Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just high enough for therapy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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