I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
