she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
