weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
