So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
