And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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