just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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