So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
