Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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